Train of thoughts

Yeh shaadi nahin aasan…


Marry not to Marry

 

I have many single friends who are extremely confused when it comes to the topic of marriage. So I thought of helping them out by giving my two cents on a few questions that I’m usually hurled at 😀 I’m no expert and I don’t claim to be one either but I have answered a few to the best of my knowledge. Hope it helps you all and brings in some clarity. Do let me know how you feel about it and/or do you have some more questions/helful tips for my single-confused-friends to add?

 

“Do I need to get married?”

No. Marriage is not a requirement to have a happy life. I know many people who have lived a very happy single life. The real question is do you long for companionship and commitment? Have you met that person who loves you and makes you feel secure? You should get married only when you meet that person who feels right.. Else you are better off alone… Marriage has nothing to do with age… Marriage should happen with the right person who is not afraid to commit.

PS: If you are commitment phobic marriage is not for you

Most people look for marriage as a solution to some gaping void in their lives. This is so wrong. Being self reliant and independent should be every individual’s goal in life.  Marriage can be looked at as an enhancement or addition and not as a missing piece of a puzzle

 

“Am I ready for marriage?”

This my friend is a very good question. You are ready for marriage when you meet the person with whom you feel confident of spending the rest of your life. So take a chance, meet new people. Who knows when/where you meet that special someone.

 

“Is he/she the right person??? How do I decide?”

This is probably the most common question all married people get from their unmarried friends… How did you decide he/she was the one? Let me tell you the truth.. We don’t know… There is no formula… You work on getting to know the other person and at the end of it, you either feel ready or not…  it could take a day or weeks or in my case months… the key here is to be open and have an unbiased mind to know the other person… don’t let first impressions cloud your judgement… above all don’t expect him/her to be perfect… don’t we all accept ourselves despite our shortcomings?… is he/she the best out there? Im sure there will be better people but you decide what is good enough for you…  Also life is easy when you are open and honest about yourself and your expectations… There is nothing wrong in having expectations… Life does not have to be a compromise

 

“Does life change after marriage?”

Yes. Like life changes from childhood to adulthood. Every new phase of life brings with itself some challenges and new experiences.  Is it a drastic change? No. Mostly depends on how you make it out to be. It’s your life and your decisions.

 

“Should I go for arranged marriage or love marriage?”

The lines between the two are fast fading in today’s times. There is very little difference between dating sites and match making portals. Haha. In either of the cases YOU get to decide who you should marry. Don’t let this decision rest on your parents and don’t be hasty. Exhaust all resources that you can get to meet new people. Give it enough time and thought. I know usually in arranged marriage scenarios people get very little time to decide. But it is your life and life’s decisions cannot be made in haste. You have every right to demand time and be reasonable about it. When you know it is not going any further do not waste the other person’s time either.  The complication in arranged marriage is the magnitude of involvement of parents and relatives. It can get very stressful to find someone who not only fulfils your requirements but also of your parents and relatives. My advice: When you find someone who makes you happy do not leave that person. Your parents will understand when they see how happy your decision has made you. After all our parents and well wishers want to see us happy.

 

MORAL:

There is no “right” decision. You just make a decision and work towards making it right. You never know what happens tomorrow so no point worrying about it. Just believe in yourself and your decisions.

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2 thoughts on “Yeh shaadi nahin aasan…

  1. Ha! You are a true friend Neha.. You Know why right? 😀 Wonderfully written and fun to read. Answered almost everything I had in mind. You missed something though, How to convince somebody???? 😀 😛 Just kidding..

    Regarding “Am I ready for marriage?”. In addition to what you have mentioned, I think it is also important to know whether you can accommodate another person in your life. Share your time and space with them. I think preparing yourself for this makes you ready for marriage.

    Great article. Looking forward for more.

    1. Thank you very much for your kind words 🙂

      I do admit that you need to prepare yourself mentally before getting into a relationship. But you know Mithun, you are a Thinker and the problem with Thinkers is we keep thinking while the world would have tried, failed, tried again and succeeded. When you do meet that right person you will automatically make time, put that extra effort. It wont seem like a chore. So all you need to do is put yourself out there and risk a few rejections before you get to the right person.

      As for the convincing part 😛 Use your charm 😉 All the best!

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